Who is Dr B?

Could it be? Is it really? Is he here or is that just another eclipse of the sun?

Yes it is!

Its Dr B! Accept no substitutes.

But there is a question that many people are asking right now: pupils, readers of this blog, teachers, my doctors.

Who is Dr Derk Burgmesiter IV? Why did he found BAGSE?

Or quis, as the Latin Romans might have said. and then cur.

There are literally millions of people who want, maybe need to know who I am.
So here I am!

I am part of a 2,000 year journey of human civilization to deepen mortal understanding, knowledge, and diversity of thinking in every meaningful area. You might think that I’m just a third rate academic who teaches second rate Latin. Buts it’s more than that. I want to explore the mechanics and intricies, the history and present, the future and past of Latin , English and all human language. But its about more than grammar, it’s about Life. I am both a student of the angst of the human mind and its resolution. One of my students from Chicago, who recently gained some prominence, said to me last year: “Dr B, I’m thinking I need a new job.” “Well, thanks to the BAGSE Latin program, you have a range we can believe in. What job are you interested in, Senator?”

It’s not just Latin. BAGSE is the pre-destined physical manifestation of the Ends of Days. Like Global Warming, except you can leave your teevo on pre-record.

And so we set up BAGSE in the UK. You might think that a bit strange since we are an American company. You might think it is because anyone who has heard of me in America thinks I am guppy short of a tank but my Director of Latin Programmatics, Lucinda Stappons, went several times to London, capital city of England and found out that literacy was an important aspect of primary school work. But no-one knew how to get kids to learn. NO-ONE, I said.

BAGSE did. We filled the gap. England may be heading into the biggest recession since the South Sea Bubble, but the 14 kids who have been on BAGSE’s Latin programme can save the country.
Disaster averted. Country save. Thanks to me.

They are no more England. England is dead. They are BAGSE's England.

And if we can do it in a handful of schools in London we can do it anywhere.

I have taught and coached students of every age and level from foetuses still in the womb through to people like Erasmus and Sir Thomas More. Hell, my own splooge can conjugate before i ejaculate. And my students, I know where they started, where they are, where they're going. I know their motivations, their hopes, their fears, their dreams, their sense of loss, their bank details. I have seen the lows, the highs, and - thanks to prozac - everything in between. I am a philosopher king in an age of angst and trouble. For them I am a bridge over troubled waters. Students sense my brilliance intuitively. If they don’t, I tell them about it. They are in awe of me. Every student is different. Even the emos. One needs love, another compulsion, a third needs anto wasah more regularly. And there's always the student who is desperately seeking the answer to the ultimate question of human existence "Did my Latin teacher just part the heavens and clouds while I wasn’t looking?"

I encourage students, and teachers, to undertake more and greater challenges, to choose the path more difficult, and then to strive on to find more mind-numbing cliches. Yet whether in the classroom, in my office, or in my padded cell, I'm about bring a new age of learning and light. There will come a time when students walk out of my classroom, out of college, and on to the next phase of their lives. They know its all downhill from there but I prepare students by pro-analysing learning, accesifying the programmatical and also by example for the misery of human existence. No other teacher is like that. NO OTHER TEACHER.

I'm open, frank and, when people aren’t looking, I wear my Y-fronts on my head; I speak my mind; I am silent a lot of the time. I don't get angry if you speak yours or if you don’t fall in with my plans. That’s why I have lawyers. I work extremely hard, am driven, but not self-absorbed, as this blog shows.

I don’t need to blow my own trumpet. My work speaks for itself. I want to accessify BAGSE’s latin and unleash the dymanics of the human mind.

Subject.
Object.
Verb.

That's a good start. But, like Bill Clinton handing out the havanas, some Latin programmes don't go all the way.

BAGSE does. If BAGSE were a hooker, we'd go down on you, bang your brains out, and tell you how to get a good sexual health check up.

Then we charge you. We might be punks and hookers, but we're not cheap.

I have a PhD. I have self-published several Latin text books which my teachers beg me that they might be allowed to use when they teach the BAGSE program. And I attend important conferences such as those held by the Classical Association of Atlantic States, by the American Classical League, and by JACT. Usually when they don’t invite me.

I have all the answers to the questions of Latin and language, of teaching and learning, of life and the resurrection of Latin. Last week I explained the jussive subjunctive to 5,000 by a mountain, fed them all and told them that the Sikhs would inherit the earth. But that might have been a typo.

Its Dr B!

I will come again.

ddb